About

Dear Readers,

What you’ve found is my personal “best of” missionary stories from when I was once both a) Mormon, and b) A missionary in Japan – of which I am now neither.

Thankfully, I’m not one of those bitter, angry guys who gets excommunicated for some unspeakably boring sin and decided to rant and rave about the insanity of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (Although I do believe their insanity speaks for itself on multiple levels.)

No, I just woke up one day and thought, “Hey, wouldn’t it be absolutely awesome not to be a Mormon anymore?”

It turns out all you have to do is write them a letter!

Then one day I was driving home from my in-laws and thought: a lot of weird, crazy, and often creepy things happened to me during the two years I was a (totally voluntary, btw) missionary for the Church.

I should tell people.

I mean, I think I may owe Japan an apology.

Not for preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the middle of a strongly Buddhist nation, no, that’s pretty par for the course – I mean, everyone there seemed pretty cool about that. A nice lady even gave me a ¥2,000 bill this one time, patted my hand, and told me she wished her 30 year old son would stop watching porn and do something productive with his life.

No, Japan, I think I owe you an apology for living in your wonderful country for two entire years, learning your beautiful language (only to butcher it with religious words no one but me seemed to know), talking with thousands of people by interrupting every manner of enjoyable activity, being a temptation to your elderly (wait what?!), plastering my face across your uncommonly clean streets (amid the ruins of bicycle after bicycle), and in general making life more confusing and difficult for the innocent Japanese citizens who dared open the door to two strangers in suits trying to share a “wonderful message about the importance of the family.

In other words, I was stranger in a strange land, and you, well, you took one for the team.

Sorry about that, Japan!

The following stories are true, as much as I can remember them, that is. Unlike all the other good Elders and Sisters I pretty much slacked on keeping my “mission journal” and only had something like 20 pages out of a possible 730! So I’ll just fill in the rest with commentary and slices of life – enjoy!

Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the guilty. And pretty much to just cover for the people whose names I completely forgot (remember that part about me not keeping a journal?). I hope you all don’t get too mad at me, and if you know who you are, just remember: I love you and only have the fondest memories of our times together.

Which I’m sharing.

On the internet!

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2 responses

28 12 2010
Emily

Loved it.

9 06 2014
Radha Santadharma

When I read “A nice lady even gave me a ¥2,000 bill this one time, patted my hand, and told me she wished her 30 year old son would stop watching porn and do something productive with his life”, I LOL’d. Will I go to hell?

Thanks for sharing.

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